I grew up in a family of 6 children and I was the 3rd down from the eldest. I never knew my real Father as my Mother and Father divorced when my Mother was pregnant with me. My Mother re-married when I was 2 years old so for a while I had a step Father who was a minister as well as a lay worker. As children we were always in church on Sunday and we attended Sunday School and at a young age I can remember loving it when Missionaries would come to speak and I was fascinated by their pictures and stories. At 6 years old I can remember laying on my floor of the bedroom that I and one of my sister’s shared and reading my bible. At a young age I had an acute awareness of God. I didn’t really understand him but yet I loved Him.
At the age of 9 1/2 it came out that my Step-Father had been sexually abusing me. It was a very embarrassing and shameful time in my life. As a child I didn’t understand it and a lot of anger, un-forgiveness, self hatred and shame entered into my heart. By the time I was 10 years old my Mother and Step Father had divorced. Once again I was Fatherless. As a young girl I can remember longing and even crying at night wondering why God had never given me a “REAL” Father.
It wasn’t until I grew older and began to walk through years of healing that my heart would begin to open up and I would begin to understand God as my heavenly Father . . . the best “DAD” I have ever known. I didn’t understand family or how a family should operate because my own family was so damaged, broken and hurt. When I was 12 years old the Lord sent a family into my life that would become an extended/adoptive “TRUE FAMILY” to me. It was through their love that my heart began to open up. Through this, God gave me a “Spiritual Mentor” and Spiritual Mother” who NEVER gave up on me even when I was so closed at times and would never talk. She saw past the shell and into my broken heart. God used her to break through, to help me trust again and to help me walk my healing out. It wasn’t a sudden healing, it took time and many years of feeling like an emotional roller coaster, breaking down walls of "protection" around my heart and allowing myself to trust again.
I later went to Bible Collage after graduating High School and this opened more areas in my heart that I realized I needed more healing in. My Spiritual family was still there for me even though we were miles apart. Through them being in my life over the years I’ve seen the steadfastness of God. He never gives up on us and ALWAYS longs for us to draw near to him. There is healing in his hands and when you run to the cross, there is redemptive power.
My past has taught me a lot. One of the greatest lessons I've learned is that even if my testimony touches one person and helps heal one heart then it was worth it all. My heart is to love these young girls with a love that can only come through the Father. I was never given up on and I want these young girls to see that they too have someone(s) cheering them on, never giving up, praying for them, and loving them into being a whole person. I understand the pain of feeling rejected, unloved and not accepted. I understand a heart that is broken, full of hate, anger and un-forgiveness and even feelings of being suicidal. Some have said that I’ve used Christianity as a crutch to lean on but in reality . . . God found me and I realized I was chosen and wanted as a daughter. I’m stronger now as a person then I’ve ever been because of knowing who I am in Christ and that He loves me because He loves me and that I don’t ever have to work for His approval or His love. He simply asks us to come and then he does the rest!